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We Broke Up Because of His Mother.. I Had an Abortion. Having Suicidal Thoughts

Sun, Sep 11th 2011

It's a very long story. I'll cut it short as possible.

I was with him for 4 months before I got pregnant. It ended between us on Wednesday. So, it lasted almost 7 months. He had just gotten out of prison when we met. He is married to a female friend. They married to avoid him getting deported.

She was coming around too often and that's why I got suspicious. But, he didn't tell me he was married. I happened to find the certificate. We argued about their friendship. The other females in his life were always offending me in some way. But he always took their sides. I was never right to him. We always argued.

Now, when I pregnant and we told his mother, she was not happy. However, she would ask me how I felt when I was at her house because I was REALLY suffering severe morning sickness. However I still doubted she was pleased.

When he told her he was going to move out n marry me after the baby was born, she was not happy he wanted to move out. The guy is friggin 26 yrs old. But she's poor and needs help pay her bills.

The day we broke up I showed her the ultrasound pics. She couldn't even fake a smile. She just asked what part is the head and which way to turn the picture. I sensed the sour mood she was in and ran a joke saying, "look at your son's work". She looked up at me blankly with nothing to say. No remark, smile, comment, just a look of sadness.

So, I calmed myself and told him I was hurt. He defended her saying she wouldn't do that and she liked me. He said I'm wicked was lying about her. He said, "baby or no baby, she's my mother." We argued. I left at 2 am and went home. I had an abortion two days later. He called me begging to come back to him until I told him I aborted. Since then he asked about the phone line we share and said we should split.

I am so depressed. Was I WRONG?????? I am so tired of being lonely. I think I'm going to go crazy if I don't make friends or a life partner. I'm so fed of men that I doubt I'll ever date again. But if I cant make any female friends I guess it's either date again and risk being hurt or stay alone.

I don't know what to do. I am so bored around the house. I plan on going back to college and getting a job. I fear that I won't meet friends. And, I'm not a very talkative person with strangers. I have to be around friendly people to open up, then I am very social.

But, suppose my classmates are all cold and unfriendly. I'll never make friends then. What should I do? I'm at the point of just committing suicide. it's the only solution that would end this problem. But my mother would be heartbroken. She's the only person that cares about me and she's very depressed about my situation but she can't help.
 
Please, what should I do? Am I the problem?

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