A Recent LossFri, Oct 15th 1999
We recently buried our oldest child. He was killed in a car accident one month before his 21st birthday. It has been a little over a month and I am still an emotional mess. I have all these new thoughts, feeling and emotions and cannot get a hold on them. My normal personality was happy, carefree, sociable and now I feel just the opposite. A few of the things I am feeling are ... Emotional easily aggravated easily frustrated on the verge of tears constantly scared, no terrified, that something will happen to the other kids Stomach ache any time think of the accident worried sad, very sad don't want to sing any more manic depressive empty tired unmotivated don't care about anything much guilty for not having more interest in the other children cannot concentrate thoughts constantly flying through my head ... day and night.. Like a bunch of noise cannot sleep without benadryl alone useless I don't want to be alone because of all the wild thoughts pouring in and out of my head all the time. Sometimes I find myself thinking about death itself and wanting to be with my son more than here with my family. Then the guilt sets in big time because I know I should not be thinking this way. Are these normal feelings?
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