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8400 Louisiana St.
Merrillville, Indiana
46410-6353
Phone 219.757.1800
Fax 219.757.1950
www.geminus.org  info@geminus.org

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Is a friendship possible after dating/living together for 3 years

Fri, Jul 25th 2008

When I was 35 I met this very mature for his age, hard working and very handsome (to my eyes at least) guy that at the time was only 26 and we fell in love at first sight. I had though some difficulty to accept the fact I had fallen in love with such a young guy, but after a couple of months he had convinced me through his actions that he was more mature than me in some aspects of life. He was more responsible financially than me, he liked going out and doing silly things much less than me, he was very conservative about the way I should dress and a lot of other things that made me feel like the "little girl" when I was with him. A feeling that I enjoyed because I am constantly seeking for a "father" figure in my relationship with men, especially after I lost my dad to cancer 10 years ago.

After 3 years of us living together, doing everything together, being all the time together except for the mornings that we both went to our work, he abruptly ended our relationship after going for a drink with a 47 year old friend of his who at the time had marital problems with his wife. So he returned home that night, a bit drunk for the first time in the 3 years that I was with him, and he announced to me with tears in his eyes that although he loves me more than anyone he is not ready to start a family and get married any time in the near future. He said that he did not feel ready at all and that we should separate because he was feeling responsible for me being now 38 and the possibility if we stayed together and then he would not marry me then I would be left childless and that made him feel very pressured. I told him to go ahead and leave if that was what he wished. I was angry at him at that point and had no desire to convince him that if you really love someone as he was saying he loved me then having a child with this person is a choice one makes easily.

I have been extremely depressed and heart broken for the last 2 months that we have not been together. We had no contact at all, not in person and not by phone, only some messages on our mobile phones and some e-mails. Usually I was the one initiating this contact and he was the one terminating it because he was saying that he was not ready to speak to me or discuss anything.

During these 2 months that we have been apart I hear from friends that he has been going out drinking and partying every night from day 1... He was also associated with two other women but nothing serious or confirmed by him. I have been doing nothing more than going to my work and going back home to cry on my own. I constantly miss him. I still do. I miss now not just the sexual but more his voice, his eyes his hands, his laugh, our discussions, our nights together at home watching dvds, I miss it all. Even his parents that were very nice to me while we were together and after we broke up.

Recently, the last 10 days, I started going out at night also with friends and that of course meant coming face to face with him in clubs or restaurants since we go to the same places and have a lot of mutual friends. It was very difficult speaking casually with him the first time but as the days go by and I see more of him I have a feeling that we could become friends. do you believe this is possible?

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